I know it’s difficult distinguishing if it’s lack of energy or if every option feels so bleak and pointless your body simply has no will to move.
And it get’s worse trying to sit down with someone and calmly explain to them why you can’t hold yourself together.
And you hope to fucking god that no one notices and pities you, but behind the ego you want someone to hold you until you physically can’t cry any more.
And some days you just want to be able to cry.
You don’t always need the answer for your sadness, the purpose of life, you just need to know you’ll wake up and feel anything but this tomorrow.
You’ve convinced yourself it’s normal to physically hold your head to try and halt your thoughts from reaching worst scenarios.
It is hard to save yourself when you’re already drowning.
It’s also hard to make friends when the great difference between you is they don’t spend their nights awake counting their reasons to live.
Eye contact is terrifying when that light goes out and you’ve realised you’ve lost the most human thing about you.
And when everyone who loves you becomes a burden for attaching you to something you wan’t to politely walk away from.
It would be so much easier. And it probably is. But the world needs people like you to fight. I don’t care how many nights you sit alone doing nothing or wear the same tshirt you slept in.
Because the world is filled with all kinds of people. And no matter what your mind lets you think you will never be empty.
You deserve to live.